For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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