just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
