quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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