Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
