If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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