Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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