last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Who put my cat in the fridge?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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