My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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