It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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