five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
