Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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