Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Randomize
