I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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