I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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