so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
