Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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