Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
