i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm both gender and math confused
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
