I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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