Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
