smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
