$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
