He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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