I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
