Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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