i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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