And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
