Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
