So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
