U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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