Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
