my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
How naked do you want me to be?
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