We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
there's paper in my vomit.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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