My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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