i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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