id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
