Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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