yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
