Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
