Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
