Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
