I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
