You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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