Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
