dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
