You're completely useless in the revolution.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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