i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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