I think my fart just growled at me.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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