Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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