First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
