I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
