3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
