I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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