From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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