You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
